


and i'll write your name

by bespokenboy



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, death note au based on a taylor swift song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-27
Updated: 2015-11-27
Packaged: 2018-05-03 13:55:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5293667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bespokenboy/pseuds/bespokenboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Baekhyun’s confession to his best friend in their last year of high school goes wrong in more ways than imaginable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and i'll write your name

**Author's Note:**

> i keep forgetting to upload exo fic here lol

Early October, and the season is turning on its hinges; with the slightest breeze, it will swing towards autumn and shut out summer for another year. If Baekhyun knows Joonmyun as well as he knows that he does, the older teen is already breaking out his cold weather accessories: light, airy scarves to transition between seasons, followed by warmer cashmere and woolly knits. 

Baekhyun is always astounded by the sheer volume of hats and scarves that his best friend owns. There's more than enough warm clothing in Joonmyun's wardrobe to fend off the relatively bearable winter months. Even so, Joonmyun is an invitation to be held and kept warm with his dark, waifish eyes and chronic sneezes that tremble his slender frame. He claims to be allergic to every season, but Baekhyun suspects that he simply has an usual tendency to catch colds. 

Regardless of whether he actually needs it or not, Joonmyun always has an ample supply of volunteers willing to share body heat—holding his hands to keep them warm or backhugging him to shield his entire body from the cold. Joonmyun never asked to have a different boyfriend or girlfriend each week, so Baekhyun can't exactly hold it against him. Baekhyun's not much better himself. 

It's a running joke at their school that Joonmyun and Baekhyun have dated everyone except for each other. But that's not an issue that either of them could broach for a plethora of reasons. At least, that's what Baekhyun thinks that Joonmyun believes—assuming that Baekhyun knows Joonmyun as well as he knows that he does. That isn't to say that the question, that fussy little _what if_ , hasn't passed through Baekhyun's mind. 

The problem is, Joonmyun falls in love too easily, too quickly, but he falls out of it just as fast. It happens every time. For a fleeting period, he'll be convinced that someone is _the one_ and devote himself completely. Anybody would be lying if they said that they wouldn't give their all to Joonmyun in return. And they can't even complain when it inevitably comes to an end, because receiving Kim Joonmyun's love is a taste of heaven, no matter how brief. 

The problem is, Baekhyun can't fall in love at all. He knows what it's supposed to feel like, falling in love. It's supposed to sneak up on him, grab ahold of him, and sweep him away. And there's supposed to be nothing he can do about it. 

There's certainly nothing he can do about the fact that he can't fall in love with anyone who isn't Kim Joonmyun. 

"Don't hurt yourself," Baekhyun warns automatically when he hears a sharp slapping noise from across the bedroom. 

"Sorry," Joonmyun mumbles. "Just trying to stay awake."

He's hunched over his desk, trying to power through the rest of his calculus homework. The notebook page is stippled with stray pencil marks from falling asleep in the middle of writing numbers and symbols. Joonmyun is emotionally and physically drained from an uncharacteristically messy breakup that resulted in a hushed argument over the phone that lasted past midnight. And afterwards, Joonmyun had hardly been able to sleep because of all the guilt. 

"There are better ways of staying awake than slapping yourself in the face," Baekhyun tells him. "Don't be so hard on yourself."

His words have a double meaning, which Joonmyun doesn't fail to notice, but it does little to raise his spirits. 

"I'm an awful person, aren't I?" Joonmyun asks glumly. "I swear, I don't mean to lead people on. Whatever it is I apparently do, I really don't try to do it on purpose."

"I know. I know you don't."

"There's something wrong with me, isn't there? I feel like I'm in love with someone, I really do, but by the end of a week or so, I feel nothing."

"Nothing's wrong with you," Baekhyun reassures him firmly. "Everyone falls in love differently."

Baekhyun wants to tell him that Baekhyun himself is even worse for trying to pursue people while knowing all along that he won't ever love them as much as he loves Joonmyun. But that's not the kind of thing he can just tell Joonmyun, no matter how close they are. 

"I-I really appreciate that," Joonmyun sniffles. Baekhyun looks up in alarm and realizes that Joonmyun's shoulders are shaking. "Y-you're a good friend. I'm so glad I have you, Baekhyun. I love you."

Baekhyun knows that Joonmyun doesn't mean those last three words in the way Baekhyun could only hope to hear, but it makes his heart skip a beat anyways. He had kept a distance between them by staying on Joonmyun's bed while the older student worked at his desk, but he can't stay away any longer. Baekhyun closes the distance between them, letting Joonmyun snuffle into his chest. 

As he runs his fingertips idly through Joonmyun's hair, Baekhyun surveys the shelf next to Joonmyun's desk. He's been in Joonmyun's room numerous times, but he always seems to have a new array of books every time Baekhyun visits. 

"Hey, what's that book?" Baekhyun asks, pointing to a slim black leather-bound volume tucked between an encyclopedia and a bookend. "I've never seen that book before?"

"Huh? This?" Joonmyun twists his neck to follow Baekhyun's line of vision, before reaching out to pull the book off its shelf. He rifles through the pages, which are all blank, as far as Baekhyun can tell. "It's just an old notebook, I got it in middle school when I was obsessed with this anime. It's silly, though, and I never ended up writing anything in it."

"Is that why you guys broke up? Because she found out about your anime phase?"

For a second, Joonmyun looks hurt, but he breaks into a grin. "You're still the only one who knows about that," he grumbles, pinching Baekhyun affectionately. "You hungry? I can fix something quick for dinner."

"Oh no, it's fine!" Baekhyun says, knowing that Joonmyun's cooking skills barely extend beyond hard boiled eggs. "I can go home for dinner, since I finished my homework anyways."

"Um, can you stay with me a little longer please? It makes me feel a lot better having you around. If food is the issue, I can order delivery–"

Baekhyun's heart breaks a little more at the desperate, pleading look in Joonmyun's eyes. There's no way he can say no, even if he wanted to. Not that Baekhyun would ever want to say no to Joonmyun. 

"If you were lonely, you should have just told me so!" Baekhyun teases. "Of course I accept your bribe of food for my company."

"I found a really neat recipe for fried rice the other day! Just stay here, and I'll come get you when it's done!"

The enthusiasm with which Joonmyun scrambles to the kitchen to prepare dinner would be adorable if Baekhyun wasn't so alarmed at the same time. Every clang of metal from the kitchen sets Baekhyun's nerves on edge. Joonmyun may be a responsible adult in every other sense of the word, but he still hasn't outgrown how accident-prone he has been virtually since birth. 

Baekhyun takes a deep breath, trusting in Joonmyun's ability to take care of himself. Joonmyun's mother has teased Baekhyun that he worries more about Joonmyun than she does, after all. _He'll be okay, he'll be okay_ , Baekhyun repeats to himself like a mantra. 

He isn't sure exactly when it was that Baekhyun realized he was in love with his best friend. He's never had the courage of his own convictions, so when he found himself wanting to kiss Joonmyun, or even just to hold hands, Baekhyun had no choice but to deny himself of his longings. 

To make the time pass a little more quickly, Baekhyun slips into Joonmyun's swivel chair and picks a pen off his desk. His fingers inch towards the black leather notebook, which he notices has silver letters in English embossed on the front. 

_Death Note._

Baekhyun's limited English allows him to decipher that much. When he opens the first page, there are even more words in English, words that look almost like instructions. Translating them would take an hour at least, so Baekhyun ignores them and flips to the first blank page. He writes tomorrow’s date at the top right-hand corner, because if Baekhyun is going to confess his feelings to Joonmyun, he needs to do it soon before he chickens out. Or before Joonmyun has another boy or girl on his arm. Tonight is too soon, but tomorrow is as good a time as any.

_Joonmyun,_

_I just wanted to let you know_

Baekhyun begins to write, but then stops. The header seems too detached, like what Baekhyun wants Joonmyun to know is that he’ll be out of town for the weekend. It doesn’t sound like the opening to a confession. He tries again on the next page.

_Dearest Joonmyun,_

He doesn’t make it past the comma before he’s flipping the page over to another blank space.

_My Joonmyun,_

It still doesn’t feel right. Another page is wasted, but it’s not like Joonmyun ever planned on using the notebook anyways.

_My Dearest Joonmyun,_

Somehow, using both “my” and “dearest” makes it not better, but worse. 

_My Darling Joonmyun,_

Changing “dearest” to “darling” doesn’t help either.

_To my treasured Joonmyun,_

Somehow, Baekhyun’s ideas are getting progressively worse, but five pages later, he finally settles on:

_Dear Joonmyun,_

_I just wanted to let you know about something that’s been on my mind for a long time. I don’t want to let you know exactly how long, because I don’t want to creep you out or anything. Which is saying a lot, because I’ve told you a lot of creepy stories in the past. Remember that time when I told you about how a clown on the rogue chased me around with a chainsaw? It scared you so much that you started crying, and you wouldn’t fall asleep until I crawled into your sleeping bag to hold your hand. I didn’t think it would freak you out that much, and I still feel bad about it, especially since the story wasn’t true. Sorry._

But Baekhyun is rambling. He realizes that it sounds as if the important message he is trying to convey is just an apology for an incident that happened when they were kids. So he tries again, and again, filling page after page with his addled feelings. He writes and rewrites his confession, but the words never come out right. Even when he comes close to finishing a letter, he discards it before signing his name at the bottom. It’s too important of a letter to risk any room for mistakes. Luckily, Baekhyun has plenty of blank spaces to fill with Joonmyun's name. 

"Baekhyun!"

He hears Joonmyun's voice approaching and stuffs the notebook into his backpack just before Joonmyun bursts through the door. Joonmyun is grinning proudly when he announces, "Dinner's ready!"

The sight of Joonmyun wearing his mother's apron and his bangs pinned away from his eyes is too adorable for words, and it takes all of Baekhyun's strength not to kiss him right then and there. 

It requires a different kind of strength to swallow the meal that Joonmyun prepared for him. Somehow, the fried rice is chalky, crumbling into dry pellets when Baekhyun tries to chew. He puts on a brave smile, nodding in approval, and Joonmyun relaxes visibly. 

But when Joonmyun takes a bite of his own food, he spits it out almost immediately. 

"This is awful!" he sputters in disgust. "How are you even eating this?"

"I thought it was good," Baekhyun lies as innocently as he can. He takes another bite, making an appreciative noise. 

"This is unfit for human consumption," Joonmyun decides. He takes both of their bowls and feeds the contents to the garbage disposal. Half an hour later, a pizza is delivered to Joonmyun's house.

The notebook remains stowed away in Baekhyun's backpack for the rest of the evening. Baekhyun reads Joonmyun's old mangas on his bed while Joonmyun grinds out the rest of his homework. They don't exchange many words, but the simple knowledge that Baekhyun is there beside him gives Joonmyun the strength to finish. 

Baekhyun waits until he returns home to finish writing his letter. He opens the notebook and leafs through page after page of abandoned love letters. He sees the same word over and over again: _Joonmyun, Joonmyun, Joonmyun, Joonmyun_. If he is to reach out to the boy who the name belongs to, he needs to do it right. At least, that's what he tells himself when he turns to another page to start all over again. 

His pen is nearly out of ink by the time he writes a letter he is satisfied with. With the last few drops remaining, Baekhyun falters in his courage and ends up signing the letter as " _Your Secret Admirer._ "

It's still not a straightforward confession, but it's the closest Baekhyun has ever come to one. 

 

The folded square of paper weighs heavily in Baekhyun’s pocket. It’s smooth on all four edges now after Baekhyun trimmed the jagged seam that held the page to the black notebook. But it’s not in an envelope—Baekhyun doesn’t want to appear as though he’s trying too hard. 

He waits in his car, considering the best time to give the letter to Joonmyun. If he slips it through the vent in Joonmyun’s locker, his note will only get lost among the piles of confessions littering the floor of the locker. Even if Joonmyun does find it, the note could be from anybody. But maybe instead, if Baekhyun slips it into Joonmyun’s backpack while the older boy is buying his lunch, Joonmyun will eventually connect the dots back to Baekhyun. Which is the plan. That is, for Joonmyun to bring up the topic first, before Baekhyun has to. Joonmyun is a smart guy, so Baekhyun knows that he’ll be able to figure it out. Assuming that the note even makes it to Joonmyun in the first place. But what could go wrong?

Baekhyun jumps when he realizes that Joonmyun’s car has slipped stealthily into the parking space next to his. It’s the same as any other day, but Baekhyun is on edge. His mind is in a swirling panic, racing with thoughts about anything and everything that could go wrong in his attempt to confess his feelings to Joonmyun.

Even his worst nightmares could not have possibly prepared Baekhyun for what would happen next.

Baekhyun pats his front pocket—the one containing the note—before slinging his backpack over his shoulder and locking his car. He’s about to greet Joonmyun when he notices the slight frown on the older boy’s face.

“Do you hear that?” Joonmyun whispers.

“What?”

“Listen.”

Baekhyun holds his breath and hears over his pounding heart the dull growl of a laboring engine. 

“Must be a lawn mower somewhere,” Baekhyun suggests, though the low buzz grows more sinister the longer it persists in the background.

“Must be,” Joonmyun echoes faintly.

When they turn towards the school, they come face to face with a maniacally grinning clown brandishing a chainsaw. Joonmyun is frozen with terror, but Baekhyun grabs him by the wrist and starts running for their lives. He registers screams in his peripheral awareness as they spring through crowds of people, but every time Baekhyun glances back over his shoulder, he finds that the clown is in pursuit of Joonmyun and Baekhyun alone.

They’re racing up a set of stairs when Baekhyun feels, almost in slow motion, the toe of his sneaker collide against the edge of a step. He lets go of Joonmyun and urges him to keep running, but Joonmyun just watches dumbly as Baekhyun trips, falls over, and rolls down the stairs. The last thing Baekhyun is aware of before his head crashes into the floor is a giant red clown shoe stepping over his body and Joonmyun’s screams of terror.

 

_“...police are investigating…”_

_“...no other casualties…”_

_“...counseling available for students…”_

_“...mysterious disappearance…”_

_“...clown on the rogue…”_

In his half-conscious state, Baekhyun feels as though he’s listening to the voices around him from underwater. Blood circulates in his aching body with slow, steady throbs, and when he cracks his eyes open, sunlight streams into his vision, flooding everything in a harsh white glare that makes him feel even dizzier.

He blinks, adjusting his eyes to the light, and finds himself staring at a ceiling he’s never seen before. Baekhyun is suddenly aware that he is unable to move, not just because he’s too sore to, but because his limbs are covered in hardened plaster.

“W...where’s Joonmyun?” Baekhyun croaks in a raspy voice. The words grate harshly against his dry throat.

“Baekhyun!” his mother exclaims, rushing to the edge of his hospital cot. Her face is blotchy from crying, and there are still tears in her eyes.

“Where’s Joonmyun?” Baekhyun demands again, trying to crane his neck and look around him. 

He sees other people in the room, but none of them are Joonmyun. He tries to sit up, but a nurse and a doctor restrain him by his shoulders.

“Stay still, Baekhyun,” the doctor instructs, jotting down a note on her clipboard. “You have a concussion, so you should try not to exert yourself.”

A painful lump rises in his throat when he begins to realize why nobody is answering his question. “W-where’s Joonmyun?” Baekhyun sobs.

“Joonmyun...didn’t make it,” his mother whispers, and she bursts into tears again. 

Baekhyun is overcome with a numbing tide of rage, and he yells, “Everybody get out! I don’t want to see anybody!”

“What if he hurts himself?” his mother asks the doctor in a hushed tone as they file out of the hospital room.

“It’s okay,” she answers, “he needs some time by himself to process what’s happening. It’s normal.”

Baekhyun lays in his bed, seething at an unfamiliar ceiling. His best friend is dead, and there was nothing he could do about it. He would think that everything was just a nightmare, if it wasn’t so vivid. 

“If it makes you feel any better, nobody else was hurt or killed. In fact, you weren’t supposed to get hurt, either.”

Baekhyun is almost relieved to see a man with glowing skin and auburn hair wearing a garland of shrunken skulls atop his antlered head sitting at the foot of his bed. 

“Holy shit,” Baekhyun murmurs. “This must be a dream. This has got to be a fucking dream. There’s no fucking way you exist.”

“I take offense to that,” the man frowns. “This isn’t a dream, and I exist as much as you do. I am Luhan, Angel of Death.”

“So you’re here to kill me, too? Go ahead, dying is better than living on without my best friend.”

“No, no, that’s not how it works. I can’t kill you, because your name isn’t written in the Death Note.” He picks up the black notebook that Baekhyun had stolen from Joonmyun’s room. 

“What are you talking about? How did you get that book?”

“I should be asking you that question,” Luhan frowns. “Because this is my book, I’m not sure how a human like you got your hands on it.”

“Okay, fine,” Baekhyun says, not wanting to start an argument with some angel fairy. “But why did Joonmyun have to die?”

“Did you even read the instructions?”

“Instructions?”

“They’re in English at the front of the book. English is the most universal language among humans, correct?”

“I guess so. But I can’t really read English that well.”

Luhan rolls his eyes. “Well that’s a problem, isn’t it? What the instructions say is basically that whoever’s name you write in the Death Note dies on whatever date you write, in whatever manner you choose. I was a little bit confused by your instructions, but I think you wrote something about a clown with a chainsaw, so I got the general idea of it.”

“S-so this is all...my fault?” Baekhyun asks shakily.

“You were the one who wrote his name, weren’t you? And, if I counted correctly, you wrote his name in the Death Note approximately...fifty-six times.”

“What does that mean?”

“That means I’ll have to kill him fifty-six times.”

“You’ll bring him back to life?” 

“I don’t have that kind of power, but I can manipulate time so that today never happened and we can start all over again.”

“And if I can stop you, then Joonmyun doesn’t have to die at all?”

“I suppose,” Luhan admits thoughtfully, scratching an antler. “Though I can’t imagine how you would stop me. But I suppose we could compromise. If you can save Joonmyun from dying just once, I'll leave both of you alone. Oh, and if you don’t stop me by the fifty-fifth death, the fifty-sixth one will be his last. He won’t come back to life after that.”

“I’ll find a way. But wait, what happens if I didn’t specify how Joonmyun will die?” Baekhyun asks, remembering the pages with just Joonmyun’s name. 

“Then I get to have a little more fun,” Luhan answers with a grin. 

 

Six am bells and whistles, and Baekhyun wakes up for school with only saving Joonmyun on his mind. If all he has to do is to keep Joonmyun in his sight at all times, how hard could it be?

“You’d be surprised,” Luhan chuckles from the end of Baekhyun’s bed. The death angel is curled up at Baekhyun’s feet like a pet dog, like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

“Fuck!” Baekhyun yelps. “Why the fuck are you in my bed?”

“Where else was I supposed to sleep?” Luhan pouts.

“Do angels even need to sleep?”

“Technically, no. But what else am I supposed to do? It’s boring just waiting for your human life processes to transpire. Your dreams, on the other hand, are much more interesting. I didn’t know you thought of your friend Joonmyun in that kind of way. Are your pants soiled?”

“Okay, first of all, what the fuck,” Baekhyun sputters. He reaches down surreptitiously for his morning wood. Did he have another wet dream about Joonmyun? More importantly, how did Luhan know?

“I can read your thoughts, fool. And I must say, I’m not terribly familiar with teenage human males, but your thoughts appear to be spectacularly dirty.”

“Okay, you know what, as fucking disturbing as it is that you can read my thoughts, just please don’t comment on anything I think unless I say it out loud.”

“No inside thoughts? Just outside thoughts?”

“Just outside thoughts,” Baekhyun confirms.

Luhan makes himself invisible and inaudible to everybody but Baekhyun as he accompanies him to school. It’s another sunny day, just like the day before. In fact, it’s the same exact day as the previous day, which means that Joonmyun hasn’t died yet. And it also means that Luhan gets to witness Baekhyun’s train of thought go haywire as Joonmyun pulls into the parking space next to Baekhyun’s.

“What are you so startled about?” Luhan chortles, hovering just behind the two friends. “It’s not like you weren’t expecting him to arrive. I’m surprised that you’re the one who isn’t dead yet since it can’t be healthy, what your heart is doing right now.”

Baekhyun glances back on impulse to scowl at Luhan.

“What’s wrong, Baekhyun?” Joonmyun asks worriedly. 

“What?”

 

“You keep looking behind us, and your face is really scary right now. Is anything the matter?”

Baekhyun ignores Luhan’s ugly wheezes of laughter and assures Joonmyun, “Sorry, sorry, I’m fine. I’m just a little distracted today.”

“Just hold hands already! Kiss! Kiss!” Luhan jeers. “Or have you not the manlihood?”

“In case you weren’t listening the first time,” Joonmyun continues, “I just wanted to thank you again for being there for me last night. I really don’t have anybody else to talk about that kind of thing to, so it really means so much to me. That I can tell you anything, and that you’ll still l-l...like me.” Joonmyun frowns, like what came out wasn’t exactly what he intended to say.

“Weaker men than yourself have had more courage than you do now,” Luhan interjects.

 _Shut the fuck up, Luhan_ , Baekhyun thinks as loudly as he can. To Joonmyun, he asks, “That’s what friends are for, right?” He pats the older student’s shoulder fondly.

“If your dream hadn’t so prominently featured your genitals, I would question whether or not you are actually a man,” Luhan comments.

Of course, there is nothing Baekhyun can do but silently endure Luhan’s digs at his masculinity. For the sake of decorum, Joonmyun and Baekhyun keep a polite distance between them as the walk across the parking lot to the school. It would be bad for Joonmyun to be seen displaying skinship so soon after his most recent break-up. He’s been picked on for doing so in the past.

“Have you an umbrella?” Luhan asks suddenly, and Baekhyun stops walking just out of surprise.

“What’s the matter?” Joonmyun inquires. 

Baekhyun looks up at the placid blue sky without a cloud in sight. “Nothing, it’s just a beautiful day today.”

“It is,” Joonmyun grins. “You know what might be a good idea?”

“What?”

“What if we skip class today and hang out at the park today? Maybe just for a couple of periods.”

“Are...are you sure? You’ve never skipped class in your entire life…”

“I know, but today seems like a special day. And we deserve a break,” Joonmyun sighs. “I wish I could just spend the day with you, I’m honestly not ready to face school again.”

“Y-yeah. I totally understand. I mean, if skipping is alright with you…”

“Let’s do it,” Joonmyun says firmly.

Alone in the park with Joonmyun, Baekhyun feels like he has some measure of control over their situation. Even at school, it’s not like Baekhyun can be by Joonmyun’s side every minute of every hour. They lounge lazily on a creaking swing set, enjoying the gentle breeze and the warm sun on their faces. They’re quiet, Joonmyun staring up at the sky and Baekhyun watching Luhan figuring out how to use the playground equipment. He snickers out loud when Luhan bonks his antlers every time he turns around. 

“What’s so funny,” Joonmyun asks, side-eyeing Baekhyun with a lazy grin.

“Nothing, nothing,” Baekhyun murmurs. “Today’s just a good day.”

Joonmyun nods absently in agreement out of the corner of Baekhyun’s eye. To Baekhyun, Joonmyun is like the sun. He doesn’t have to look at him directly to know that he’s there, shining in all of his radiance. And sometimes he’s too beautiful to even look at, like he is now with his skin glowing and a carefree smile on his face.

It’s a moment that Baekhyun wishes he could capture forever in his memory, but suddenly, rain falls in torrents from dark clouds that materialize above them. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Baekhyun groans, wiping from his eyes the rain whipping at his face.

“We should have driven here instead of walking,” Joonmyun wails over the noisy downpour. “I’m so sorry! This was such a bad idea.”

“It’s not your fault, let’s run home, we can pick up our cars from school later!”

“Wait!” Joonmyun shouts, skidding to a halt on the sidewalk. “We forgot our backpacks!”

Before Baekhyun can stop him, Joonmyun sprints back to the tree under which their backpacks are nestled against each other. A bolt of lightning splits the sky, followed by a rumbling roar of thunder, electrifying the tree and the boy kneeling at the base of it. Joonmyun falls over, and the skies clear. The sun shines through the gray clouds melting away, and the storm is over as quickly as it began.

Baekhyun smells the pungent scent singed flesh the closer he approaches Joonmyun’s body. Instead of his friend, Baekhyun sees a charred mass of burnt skin and clothing. His heart rises in his throat, and he looks away in horror. 

“Fuck,” he mutters. “Fuck, _fuck_.”

“I told you it wouldn’t be easy,” Luhan says calmly, leaning against the tree. “Do not underestimate the powers of a death angel.”

Luhan's black eyes glow dangerously, and Baekhyun loses consciousness, crumbling to the ground next to his best friend. 

 

"I took pity on you," Luhan explains when Baekhyun comes to in his warm, dry bed, "by skipping the rest of that day. You are easily the most pathetic human I have ever seen, and I have been playing with them for centuries."

"Who the fuck do you think you are? What gives you the right to toy with people's lives like that?" Baekhyun snaps. "Is this just some kind of game to you?"

"Yes," Luhan replies evenly, "this is my source of entertainment. But right now you are being a very irritating human, so if you don't silence your thoughts I will summon another lightning bolt right now."

"Go ahead and kill me. See if I care. Better than watching my best friend die in front of my eyes again and again isn't it?"

"If you die, then who will save Joonmyun?"

"Fuck," Baekhyun growls, because Joonmyun is always going to be his greatest weakness. "Okay, fine, I'll play your stupid fucking game."

"Do not despair," Luhan says solemnly. "If there's anything I've learned from my experience with humans, it's that love will ultimately prevail."

"Really?"

"No, you humans make yourselves suffer over love more than I ever could."

Baekhyun resists the urge to stab Luhan with his own antlers and manages to drag himself out of bed and into his car. Luhan isn't in the backseat when he pulls out of the driveway, which is just fine because Baekhyun has just about had it with the death angel. 

He's mysteriously absent for the entire morning, which passes by uneventfully, and blissfully so. Joonmyun is alive from first period chemistry through lunchtime, which is more than Baekhyun could ask for. 

"Is there something on my face?" Joonmyun asks, looking up shyly at Baekhyun with his sandwich halfway to his mouth. 

"No, no!" Baekhyun tells him, suddenly realizing that he's been staring at Joonmyun this entire time. "Your, um...sandwich looks good."

"Want a bite?" 

"Sure!"

Joonmyun leans across the table to feed Baekhyun his sandwich. As soon as Baekhyun takes a bite, he wishes that he could spit it out. 

"That's a really...interesting flavor," Baekhyun croaks, swallowing dryly and trying not to shudder. 

"You think so?" Joonmyun beams. "I designed it myself! I took a handful of dried anchovies and chopped them up and mixed them with peanut butter and spread it on two slices of wheat toast. And then I put a slice of cheese in between and smushed them together!"

"Wow, that's...inventive."

"Are you sure you want to save this guy?" Luhan appears, suddenly materializing next to Joonmyun. "He seems to be a danger to himself and those around him."

Baekhyun's face contorts involuntarily as he forces himself not to say anything out loud. Joonmyun catches the look of disgust that passes through Baekhyun's face and asks, "It's actually really gross, isn't it? You don't have to pretend like you thought it tasted good. I know how bad it it tastes, but I didn't have anything else to make a sandwich out of."

"Maybe use just cheese next time? Or just peanut butter? Or...just anchovies? Instead of all three at the same time."

"That's probably a good idea," Joonmyun grins. To Baekhyun's relief, the look of hurt on Joonmyun's face is gone now.

"Do you want me to buy you something to eat? I can sneak out to my car and drive to the gas station, it's no problem."

"No, there's not enough time for that. I've got some crackers, I'll be fine."

"Oh my god, are those the crackers we tried feeding to the geese when we went to the park before school started?"

"Yeah!" Joonmyun suddenly remembers. "That was so funny."

"Those were the scariest fucking geese I've ever seen in my life. I tried feeding a cracker to one little guy, but he almost bit my hand off. Then I tried throwing the crackers at them from a distance, and they fucking started to chase after me! They made the most god-awful noises, too."

Baekhyun gives his best angry goose impression, honking and quacking until Joonmyun's doubled over in a paroxysm of giggles. He tosses a handful of crackers into his mouth and laughs even harder when Baekhyun stands up to imitate the geese's angry flaps and waddle. 

Joonmyun's laughter turns into coughs and sputters when he begins to choke on his crackers, and his face turns bright red, then purple. He clutches desperately at his throat, and Baekhyun rushes to his side. 

A worried crowd gathers around them as Baekhyun wraps his arms around Joonmyun from behind, digging the heel of his fist into Joonmyun's diaphragm. 

But it's too late. Joonmyun's body goes slack in Baekhyun's arms as he stops breathing, loses consciousness, and shuts down altogether. Baekhyun is peripherally aware of a deafening buzz in his ears and that his throat is ragged and sore. He suddenly realizes that he had been screaming his throat raw the entire time. 

 

"At least you would have had the Good Samaritan law on your side," Luhan points out when Baekhyun wakes up again in his bed. 

"Fuck off," Baekhyun grumbles, staring blankly ahead. 

"I mean," Luhan continues, "if Joonmyun really did choke to death on a cracker, you wouldn't be penalized for trying to save him."

"But I couldn't save him," Baekhyun says flatly. 

"No, you couldn't," Luhan agrees. He almost feels sorry for the human. 

"He died in my arms because I couldn't fucking Heimlich a cracker out of his windpipe."

"Perhaps, but today is a new day," Luhan reminds him. "Joonmyun is alive on this day, and so are you. What happened yesterday doesn't matter as much as what you make of today."

Luhan's words are so unexpectedly sincere that Baekhyun chokes out a peal of embarrassed laughter. 

"Geez, Luhan, how can you say something like that without feeling the least bit self-conscious?"

Despite Luhan's mild mood in the morning, Baekhyun gets little respite from tragedy. He looks for Joonmyun in the cafeteria at lunch and discovers that the older student is finishing up a chemistry lab. 

By the time he reaches the science wing of the school, it's too late. He can't even reach Joonmyun because the entire classroom is in flames. 

"Th-that's not fucking fair," Baekhyun sobs. "You didn't even give me a chance to see him."

"Would you have preferred to watch him die in front of you?"

"That's not the point! I at least wanted the chance to try and save him."

"You wouldn't have been able to. If it makes you feel any better, Joonmyun was the only student still working on his lab. Nobody else got hurt. To the very end, a student of incomparable diligence."

"Shut the fuck up," Baekhyun groans. "I don't fucking care, just bring him back already."

 

Baekhyun is especially solicitous of Joonmyun the next day, never letting him out of his sight for longer than possible. He watches him carefully throughout lunch to make sure Joonmyun doesn't choke on his homemade kimbap, undoubtedly packed by Joonmyun's mother. Baekhyun grimaces each time Joonmyun shoves a whole piece into his mouth. 

"What's the matter, Baekhyun?" Joonmyun asks. "Do you want a piece?"

"No, I'm fine," Baekhyun declines. "Just...chew carefully, okay? You might choke to death."

"What are you, my mother?" Joonmyun teases, but he catches the stone-cold serious expression on his best friend's face. "Is something wrong, Baekhyun? I haven't seen you smile all day."

"It's nothing."

"No, really, Baekhyun. I complain to you all the time, there's no reason for you to keep your worries to yourself. You've been such a good friend to me, so it's only fair that you let me do the same for you."

"I'm just worried about a test next period," Baekhyun fabricates. "But thank you, that means a lot to me."

He tries on a smile, and Joonmyun beams supportively at him. "You should have told me earlier! I could have helped you study last night. Test anxiety is nothing to be ashamed about, but I know you'll do fine. In fact, I'm a little nervous for my calculus test next period, too. More than a little nervous, actually—I think I'm going to die."

"No!" Baekhyun shouts suddenly. 

Joonmyun looks at him quizzically and places a finger on Baekhyun's lips. "Shh, you're so loud."

Stomach churning with dread, Baekhyun pushes Joonmyun's hand away and suggests, "Um, do you want to skip next period together? We could go...maybe not to the park. We could go home or something."

"Don't be ridiculous. Are you really that afraid of your test? What is it even on?"

"I...I don't know." 

"Baekhyun," Joonmyun says, sounding disappointed. "You know that I'll always help you if you just ask."

"Yeah, sorry. But..." Baekhyun's voice trails away when he realizes that nothing will convince Joonmyun to miss his next class. 

For the first time this year, Baekhyun wishes that he had been a little more ambitious and elected to take calculus alongside Joonmyun instead of the less intense statistics test he's in right now. Nothing shakes his uneasy premonition that something bad will happen, and for an agonizing fifty minutes, Baekhyun tries to concentrate on his test. 

It doesn't help that Luhan chooses to show up at that moment, crunching noisily at a box of Pocky sticks, cackling now and then as he hovers by Baekhyun's shoulder. 

"I wonder what Joonmyun's doing right now," Luhan muses, and it takes all of Baekhyun's self-restraint to continue ignoring Luhan's presence. 

At the ring of the bell, Baekhyun rushes out the door and almost pushes past Joonmyun, who's waiting for him in the hallway. 

"Hold your horses!" Joonmyun chortles. He wheezes when Baekhyun barrels at him, full-force. 

He hugs Joonmyun tightly as relief washes over him. 

"You're alive!"

"Of course I'm alive," Joonmyun chuckles. "My test was a lot easier than I thought it would be. How about yours?"

"It was okay," Baekhyun mumbles, still not letting go. 

"Um, Baekhyun? I know you're happy that we finished our tests, but we've still got a couple classes coming up."

He gently pushes Baekhyun away, feeling heat crawl up his cheeks for some reason. Baekhyun's usually glad to see Joonmyun, but he's never this demonstrative about it. 

"Come on Baekhyun, it's not like we were never going to see each other again."

"I'm sorry, I was just...I was worried for no reason, I guess."

"You humans worry about the most insignificant things," Luhan pipes in, suddenly appearing behind them. Baekhyun ignores him, but he continues, “I’ve overheard at least a dozen students today complaining that their classes were going to kill them. When has a math class ever been a verifiable cause of death? Trains, on the other hand. Trains kill more people than a math class ever could.”

He follows the two friends to history class, which they have together. When they reach the classroom, Joonmyun suddenly hisses, “Shit! I forgot my water bottle in my last classroom!”

“Our next class is about to start though, can you wait until next period?”

“No, I might get thirsty while I’m taking notes. Just go to class without me, I’ll be right back.”

Joonmyun sprints back in the direction they came from, and Baekhyun hesitates briefly before running after him. Either Baekhyun is more out of shape than he realized or Joonmyun is too damn fast, because he’s gasping for breath by the time Joonmyun skids to a halt to duck inside a classroom. 

“Got it!” Joonmyun announces triumphantly a few seconds later, raising the water bottle for Baekhyun to see. “Now let’s get back to–”

He doesn’t get a chance to finish his sentence, because a nineteenth century steam locomotive crashes through the wall and smashes into Joonmyun. Shards of glass and rubble explode everywhere, and shocked students and teachers pour into the hallway. Baekhyun stands there, watching numbly as a puddle of blood seeps across the vinyl flooring. Joonmyun’s blood soaks the toes of his canvas shoes, warm and wet, and Baekhyun screams.

“I’m afraid I couldn’t find one of those cool shiny monorails,” Luhan frowns. “This train was the best I could do.”

 

The air weighs heavy on Baekhyun's chest as he stares up at his ceiling fan. Its quiet hum is punctuated by crunching noises; Luhan is sitting cross-legged at the foot of Baekhyun's bed, munching away at a box of Pocky, cardboard container and all. 

"If Joonmyun dies for real..." Baekhyun begins slowly. "If I can't save him in the end after all...does that mean that I killed him?"

"There are worse things you can do to the people you love than killing them."

Luhan might just be sharing more of his wise-sounding prattle, but a strange terror seizes Baekhyun. "Like what?" he asks. 

"You could watch the world do it instead. Joonmyun, suffering at the hands of forces you have no hope of controlling. His death would be pathetic, and he would undoubtedly suffer."

"And the better alternative is to watch you kill him instead?"

Later that day, Joonmyun is hit by a school bus on his way across the parking lot. 

The next day, a school bus and a nineteenth century steam engine locomotive collide into him at the same time. 

Luhan finally gets his hands on a monorail, and that crashes into Joonmyun as he slips out of the school building to retrieve his lunchbox left in his car. 

When Luhan is tired of using large vehicles to kill Joonmyun, he resorts to orchestrating horrific accidents. 

A sink explodes while Joonmyun is locked in the bathroom, unable to escape. He trips down the stairs and is trampled by a mob of hungry high schoolers at lunch time. Joonmyun accidentally spills gasoline on himself while refueling his car and staggers backwards into an open flame. 

It goes on and on until Baekhyun can't bear watching his best friend die over and over again. 

"This is getting boring," Luhan complains. "You haven't even tried to save him at all for the past few days."

"Would I have even made a difference?" Baekhyun responds tiredly. He's numb at this point, numb and exhausted. 

"Probably not. But watching you try is half the fun. I'm changing the rules. If you don't save him today, the game will end right here."

"What does that mean?"

"He'll die," Luhan says simply. 

"But why would you do that? I thought I had more chances to save him!"

"Yes, but a sense of urgency would make this more entertaining for me and more exciting for you."

"How can you just change the rules like that?"

"I'm not changing anything. I am simply adding a rule I deem necessary. Look, I'll show you." 

Baekhyun watches as Luhan pulls out the black notebook from under the bed. Had it been there the entire time? 

"Can I have a pen?" Luhan asks. 

"You need a pen?"

"No, I'm going to write it in blood."

Luhan sighs and tries to grab for a pen on Baekhyun's desk. He has to twist backwards to reach it, so Baekhyun takes the chance to snatch the notebook from Luhan's lap. 

"Hey! That's my notebook!"

"But I can write in it too."

If Luhan was just going to write a new rule in pen, then theoretically Baekhyun could do the same thing. He flips to the instructions printed inside the front cover. There are already twelve rules printed, so he thinks quickly and adds a thirteenth. 

_13\. If a page is removed from the Death Note, it is no longer effective._

His heart pounds as he dots the period at the end, hoping desperately that it will work. As he frantically tears pages out of the notebook, the only thing on Baekhyun's mind is that he's never wanted anything more than to end this curse he brought about. Luhan watches on with mild disappointment, but he makes no move to stop him. 

It was Baekhyun's fault that Joonmyun had been trapped in an endless loop of death, and it'll be Baekhyun's fault entirely if Joonmyun ends up dying for real. 

The last page Baekhyun wrote in flutters to the ground in shreds. He gathers the ripped up pieces to set on fire in his backyard just for good measure. 

He almost forgets about school until Joonmyun bursts through the gate and into his yard. 

"Baekhyun! Are you okay? You weren't at school, so I drove back here to see what was wrong. You've never been late, so—holy shit, is that fire?!"

Joonmyun rushes over to stomp out the fire, but Baekhyun pushes him away from the flame. 

"It's okay, it'll die out on its own," Baekhyun assures him, but he still holds on tightly to Joonmyun like he's afraid he'll run away. 

"Okay, um, if you say so." Joonmyun awkwardly pats Baekhyun on the back, and then asks, "So, were you planning to skip school today or something?"

"N-no? I was just, uh..."

"It's fine," Joonmyun says kindly. "I won't tell your parents. I'm just a bit offended that you didn't include me in your plans."

"Joonmyun?"

"I know I always say that I hate it when people skip class, but today, for some reason I feel like doing something stupid, you know?"

He smiles at Baekhyun, an invitation. "I never thought I'd hear something like that come out of your mouth," Baekhyun says softly. 

"These past few days have been so weird. And last night, I think I finally realized something that makes everything make so much more sense."

Baekhyun racks his brain to recall what Joonmyun could possibly be referring to. _Last night..._ That would have been the night Joonmyun tried to make him dinner while Baekhyun resolved to confess his feelings at last. It seems so distant to Baekhyun, like so many lifetimes ago. 

"And what was that?" Baekhyun asks. 

"I realized that all the time I spent with other people...I would have preferred to spend with you."

Baekhyun suddenly feels as if his stomach vanished. He casts around in his mind for something to say, but he comes up empty. 

"Say something," Joonmyun implores. "Or you'll hurt my feelings."

He's almost joking, but Baekhyun is taking this more seriously than anything. Rather than expressing himself through words, Baekhyun decides to let his actions speak for him instead. He folds his fingers behind the nape of Joonmyun's neck and kisses him softly like Joonmyun will disintegrate under his touch. 

When he opens his eyes, Joonmyun is still there so he kisses him again. Baekhyun slips his tongue into Joonmyun's mouth and tastes the bittersweet coffee Joonmyun had sipped in his car during his drive. 

For the first few seconds, Joonmyun kisses him back mindlessly and lets Baekhyun draw their bodies closer. But then he pulls away to ask hesitantly, "Have you always...?"

"Yeah," Baekhyun answers, "I've always wanted to do that."

"We better not waste any more time then."

Baekhyun leads Joonmyun by the hand into his house and pulls down all the curtains before guiding him onto the sofa. Joonmyun smiles, an invitation to forget everything else and just feel. 

Outside, Luhan watches the dwindling flame as it dissipates into wisps of smoke drifting up to the sky before dying away altogether. Death Note tucked under his arm, Luhan materializes briefly next to Baekhyun to tell him, "I'm going to take this back to where I came from. Thank you for relieving my boredom for just a little while."

"I can't believe we're skipping class to make out," Joonmyun says in a thrilled murmur. 

Baekhyun's hands tremble a little when he reaches out to brush Joonmyun's bangs away from his forehead. "I can't believe we didn't try this earlier. God, you're so amazing."

"My parents would kill me if they knew what I was doing."

"I'm not going to let anything kill you."

Joonmyun chuckles a little, but when he looks up, Baekhyun's face is completely somber. He places a fingertip on Baekhyun's cheek and nudges the corner of his mouth upwards until Baekhyun smiles for real. 

 

For the first time in years, Joonmyun stays overnight at Baekhyun's house. They had decided in middle school that they were too old for sleepovers, but now they've done away with their silly rule. Baekhyun wraps his arms around Joonmyun, praying that he will make it safely through the night. Even though Luhan is gone, Baekhyun can't rest easy until he's sure everything is over.

White light streams in through Baekhyun's window the next morning. He sits up and blinks as he tries to comprehend the bright white landscape outside. It's like the world has been swallowed up in foam. 

"It's snowing," he says out loud. 

"What?" Joonmyun murmurs, sitting up too. "But it's only October."

"Stranger things have happened," Baekhyun mutters. He feels his throat tighten at the sight of Joonmyun with his sleepy face and hair sticking up at different angles. After living with the fear that he would never see Joonmyun alive again, seeing his smile is the most precious thing to Baekhyun. Before he can help it, he whispers, "I watched you die so many times."

"What?"

"Nothing, it's just–"

"Nightmare?"

"Yeah."

Joonmyun slips his arm around Baekhyun's waist and pulls him back down onto the mattress. 

"It's a good thing I'm alive then."


End file.
